Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
