btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
