Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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