An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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