Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
