Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
