What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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