oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize