I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
