I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
