you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize