im drinking this country out of the recession.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
