Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
