Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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