She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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