before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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