Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
