i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
