I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
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