did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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