hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
