Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
