i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i think my cat just said my name.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
