Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
