so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
