I got chris browned last night
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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