I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
