But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
