i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
