If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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