no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
