Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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