I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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