I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
