it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
