really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Randomize
