It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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