I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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