Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
