Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
