No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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