she woke up with a sticky ear
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
should my penis look like a turkey
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
