butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
