Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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