Where is the hickey?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
