I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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