I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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