I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
