dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
