I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
