Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we're making bets on your personal life
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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