I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
