did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
