I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
