Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
