So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize