Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
