Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
