he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
