I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
