Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
