I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
