Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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