The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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