genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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