well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
