There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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