I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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