final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
