I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
