I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
