apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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